Hi, my name is Matthew, and this is my story.

I left home when I was 15. I grew up in the Upland, Chino Hills area, and when I was around 13, I was in a car accident so severe that my mom was told she would never walk again and ended up in a wheelchair for 12 years. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp the impact it had on me. However, as I got sober and grew in my faith, I learned about spiritual warfare and realized that the trauma from the car accident had deeply affected my spirit. My personality shifted dramatically, I went from being a great kid with good grades to smoking cigarettes, getting kicked out of school, drinking beer, and smoking weed. In just a few months, my life took a horrific negative turn.

I brought a lot of shame to my family. I even got caught selling weed to my dad’s football team. My actions were out of control, so I decided to leave and ran away to San Francisco. There, I got into intravenous drug use, starting with heroin. Life quickly spiraled out of control, opening up a whole new, fucked up world for me. I got involved with a girl who was a Satanist and started getting into that lifestyle. I read the Satanic Bible, listened to dark, demonic music, and became heavily involved in witchcraft. Over the years, I progressed through different forms of witchcraft, starting with low-level Satanism and then being drawn to Norse mythology like Odinism. I even got involved in druidic witchcraft, a form of asatruism.

I was so far from God, and my mind was deranged. I didn’t care about anyone or anything other than getting my next fix. My life was like an out-of-control roller coaster. Things really escalated when I met a group of people who rode freight trains. It started in the San Francisco and Oakland area, where they showed me how to hop trains to the next town. I eventually made my way to the East Coast and figured out how to ride trains from Richmond, VA, to Rocky Mount, NC. The adrenaline rush, combined with intravenous drugs and liquor, was intoxicating. It felt like I had a huge void in my heart and soul, and everything I threw at it only made it bigger.

This went on for 17 years. I would try to return home and do right by my mom and dad; they even paid $10,000 in 2005 to put me in a I.V.R.S rehab center. But I was back on the streets doing drugs after just three days. Rehab didn’t work for me—I would always return to using. I got away with it for so long because I was always on the move. Even if the authorities were after me, it didn’t matter because I’d already be two states over.

In 2007, I tried to join the military. My family is all Marine Corps, but I had so much heroin in my veins that I was foolish enough to try signing up while high, thinking they wouldn’t notice. Of course, they did, and it was a crazy ordeal. Rehab didn’t work, the military didn’t work, and I got incarcerated multiple times in different states. I would get sober while in jail, but as soon as I was released, I returned to the same mindset, trying to fill that void.

Eventually, I found myself wanting to commit suicide. A traumatic event with some evil people in LA, where I stole from them and was caught, left me traumatized. They were going to kill me, but by the grace of God, I escaped. Two months later, I was on a train from Pittsburgh, PA, riding through the mountains of Pennsylvania. I was going through heroin and alcohol withdrawals, living out of a backpack with nothing to show for my life. I decided to end it. As the train was moving at 70 mph, I hung off the ladder, planning to let go and die.

As I hung there, I cried out to God—not out loud, but in my soul. I asked Him if He was real to do something because I couldn’t live like this anymore. What happened next is hard to explain, but I felt love for the first time in my life. The feeling of rejection I had carried for two decades just dissipated. I felt God’s love and acceptance, and it was enough to stop me from letting go. After that, I vomited a strange black substance, which I believe was from the demonic ceremonies I had been involved in. Since that day, July 17th, 2015, I haven’t had a cigarette, alcohol, or any desire for drugs. I was dope sick when I prayed that prayer, but afterward, I wasn’t sick anymore.

I got a job at a homeless shelter, because they were the only ones that would hire me and began my walk with Christ. I had tried everything to get free from drugs and alcohol, but nothing of this world could help me. It was God who filled the void in my soul. Now, I’ve given my life to follow Him and do His work. Jesus walked with the homeless, loved sinners, drunkards, and people that society often casts out. That’s who I was, and now my ministry focuses on those who are rejected, just like I was. We reach out to people who sleep on the sidewalk because I know that pain and addiction. We give them food and tell them that Jesus can fill the void in their hearts and that there’s hope.

That’s my story in a nutshell. God is great, and nothing else can explain what happened to me besides Jesus. I tried everything in my strength, but it was God who gave me the strength to overcome. Heroin is terrible; it consumes you, destroys your personality, and makes you lose compassion for anyone. You lie, deceive, and pretend just to get more drugs. It’s horrible how it destroys people.

Sometimes, when people get sober, life gets harder because they no longer have the crutch of drugs or alcohol to cope with their problems. You’re right; it does get harder because you have to face your fears. For some, it’s very difficult, especially those with a dark past. But that’s where I find strength in God. He gives me the strength to face my fears and overcome the challenges I’ve had my whole life.